Crown Adjusted... my sister and I say this to each other when one of us temporarily forgets who we are, and what we can accomplish. No matter how confident you are, you will have moments of feeling insecure, inadequate, or even unworthy. Guess what? It's normal. It doesn't mean you're any less confident. Sometimes it hits you out of nowhere, and other times you'll know what triggered the emotion.
I've struggled with wallowing in these negative emotions. Recently, I've made a more consistent effort to change that. I refuse to let my mind (something I can control) get the best of me. It's work, it's not easy. I'll admit that sometimes it feels easier to sit in the negativity.
I had a serious episode of negative feelings that hit me a few weeks ago, I knew I had to pull myself out of it. Here’s what helped:
~Talk to someone: Talking to someone allows you to vent, and it gives you clarity. I’m not vulnerable with my feelings at all. For some reason, I decided to admit to a friend how I was feeling. It felt like a therapy session lol. She really listened, she didn't judge, and then she sincerely reminded me of my strengths, and why I shouldn’t be worried. Depending on who you confide in and the nature of your relationship, this person may affirm you or remind you of your capabilities and how dope you really are. If nothing else, they are a listening ear.
~Journal: Seeing your feelings on paper puts things in perspective. Sometimes when you see what's ailing you written down, you may see that's what concerning you is more of a perception than a reality. You may realize that what's concerning you, may be something trivial, and not worth the negative feelings you're experiencing. The week of this negative episode, I happened to be participating in a September Self Love journaling challenge, reflecting on the journal prompts and writing about the things I love about myself really boosted my mental well-being. Tip: Pinterest has great journal prompts on self love.
~Remind yourself who you are: I looked through my phone gallery at some of my past highlights in life and previous accomplishments, and it reminded me of my strengths and talents. It wasn't so much what I accomplished that made me proud, I was mostly proud of the qualities and strengths that helped me pursue and get through those experiences. Also, make a list of your positive traits, the things that you like about yourself, and what you're good at. This will immediately shift your thoughts from the negative feelings to the positive thoughts. This will also remind yourself all of the things that make you unique and dope. Save this list, (in your phone or journal) and refer back to it the next time you feel discouraged.
~Love on you: It's very important to treat yourself exceptionally well when you have moments of insecurities. It's nothing worse than feeling negative emotions and then neglecting yourself at the same time. Love on yourself (extra hard) when you have episodes of negative feelings. Indulge in self care when you feel discouraged. What you decide to do is up to you, but please make sure that whatever you do, you feel better about yourself afterwards. The last time I had an episode like this, it went on for several days. I was at home, and my brain just kept dwelling on the negative. I couldn't take it, I had to get outside. I went and got a pedicure. A pedicure is a monthly thing for me, but this time it felt extra special. Afterwards, I went out and treated myself to my favorite pizza spot. I felt much better afterwards, and it got my mind off of the negativity.
If you experience negative or insecure feelings from time to time, please don't be discouraged. I'm learning that it's a part of life. The important thing is that we build ourselves up, and take action as soon as the feeling lingers. Remember, we are more capable, dope and truly worthy more than what we think we are. So, adjust that crown, Queen!
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